I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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