And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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