Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
