I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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