he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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