I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
