Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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