Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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