I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
