I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
