Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
