I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So vagazzling was a success
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
