hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
