we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
