I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
