I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Congratulations! We have a period
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
