I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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