I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
