I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
