Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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