I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
