he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Success! We fucked roommates!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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