He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
