my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize