I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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