My brain says no but my pants say off.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
