K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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