I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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