I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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