she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
