turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
