you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
