i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
