After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
