RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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