Why are handjobs necessary in class?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
