Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
