Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
