the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
