This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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