apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
