It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize