i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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