There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
