I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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