i can't believe i had my finger in that
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
