Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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