New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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