Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
