She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
