I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
