i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
