i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
