If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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