Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
