I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
