i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
