I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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