I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Randomize
