Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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