i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
