After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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