I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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