currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
