Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
