Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
