i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
